Whilst on a run-of-the-mill Target trip today, I came across an exciting assortment of Endangered Species Chocolates: dark chocolate with delicious, antioxidant packed flavors and a generous spirit (10% of their net profits are donated to “support species, habitat and humanity”). What’s not to like, right? Plus, they were all natural, ethically traded, on sale, and had pictures of cute animals all over the packaging. How could I not grab every variety available and be inspired in a third grade, let’s-describe-ourselves-using-words-that-begin-with-each-letter-in-our-name kind of way? (Hey, chocolate does that to me sometimes.)

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In my Candy Addict staff profile, I joke that I adhere to a strict organic, vegan diet to balance my rabid candy consumption. Though that’s not entirely true, if it were I could find sweet organic, vegan refuge in Zootons. What are Zootons, you ask? Well Zootons are beings hailing from Zootopia, of course! And they are here to save Earthling children and adults alike from bad candy.

And how do they do that, you ask? Why, by generously sharing their homeland’s chemical-free, fertilizer-free, gelatin-free, organic, vegan candy with “out of this world taste” of the same name. Naturally! And in the spirit of promoting healthy habits and practicing what they preach, Zootons also donate a percentage of their profits to Healthy Child, Healthy World, a non-profit organization campaigning for healthy environments for children.

And while these are all excellent reasons for both vegan and omnivorous Addicts to give Zootons a try, we all know that when it comes to candy it really just comes down to taste (I mean, if it tastes like organic dirt it still tastes like dirt, right?), so let’s get to the important stuff. Zootons come in four varieties: Gummies, Colas, Jellies, and Sours. And here’s my breakdown:

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Don’t get me wrong, I love to eat candy any ole time, but isn’t there just something more fun and exciting about holiday-centric candy? The packages. The seasonality. The memories. The novelty. (Who cares that Peeps have now become our year-round companion? It’s Easter! They’re yellow! Dive in!) And, for that matter, aren’t candy-centric holidays just way better than all others? Don’t bother to answer, you know it’s true.

Sadly, however, our calendar is wildly unbalanced when it comes to candy holidays. Sure, Halloween through Easter is an endless sugarfest, but what of March (or April) through October? Nada. Nothing. With the exception of a possible Mothers Day chocolate box, it is entirely diabetic friendly. Well no longer! Here at Candy Addict we are rewriting the calendar (or at least reassigning the cause for celebration), in order to remedy this candy holiday wasteland. Ladies and Gentleman, I give you, in chronological order… the Top 10 NEW Candy Holidays:

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I’ve been devotedly bringing you all the latest and greatest in candy for a couple months now and I just can’t take it any longer, Candy Addicts. There’s something you should know about me and I think the time has come. I have a mistress and her name is dark chocolate. It’s true, and I’m sure many of you can understand: I like it dark. The darker the better. I almost never waste myself on sub 70% cocao count and I revel in a good 72, 80, and even 85%. So I’m sure you can imagine my thrill when I recently found not one but two 86% dark chocolate bars just sittin’ on the store shelves, callin’ out my name. And with it being an Olympic year and all, I’ve got competition on the brain, so what choice did I have, really, other than to have a dark chocolate face-off?

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In 1976, “Candyman” David Klein came up with the idea of a gourmet jelly bean that featured a then-unique fruit flavored jelly interior. He approached the Goelitz Candy Company and together they created one of the finest manifestations of sugar in the history of the universe, Jelly Belly jellybeans. Considering that Jelly Bellys have figured prominently in my young Addict life (in my youth, they brightened many a dreary Cleveland Sunday and they literally accompanied me to every single one of my Intro to Philosophy classes in college), I was thrilled (and a little star struck) when recently granted the opportunity to ask 10 (or so) questions of their creator.

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I’m not really a big fan of numbers. Or science. Or instruction manuals, for that matter. So I don’t really know if all the specs work out. But I do enjoy t-shirts. And I love s’mores. And since my affinity for the latter outweighs my disdain for the former at a ratio of exactly 7652:1 (did I do that right? Like I said, I’m really more for the candy than the math) I feel that puts me in the clear to adore this S’mores how-to shirt from Threadless.

My only concern? I have always – always – constructed my s’mores with the marshmallow on top of the chocolate square. Have they changed the rules since I took S’more 101? ‘Cause I gotta tell ya, I don’t know that I’m willing to change. It’s pretty perfect that way. Despite this flaw, however, I am looking forward to the “more detailed instructions” promised to follow in S’more 201. Do you think that includes the introduction of additional ingredients? Because a thin layer of peanut butter spread beneath Graham Cracker Sheet #1 makes for an awesome advanced s’more.

• S’more 101 T-Shirt at Threadless T-Shirts

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A couple of years ago (yeah, we were that up on the trend), Brian wrote an article about Ecoist’s Candy Wrapper Handbags, a line of bags made from recycled and repurposed candy wrappers, food packages, and soft drink labels. Well, since then the whole Green Movement has really taken off and Ecoist has kept pace by expanding their popular line to include bracelets, coasters, napkin rings, and placemats.

Now I ask you, what better way to proclaim your support of sugar in public or at intimate dinner parties? It’s like the Livestrong bracelet for green candy fans. (That would be environmentally-friendly Addicts, not those of you with a penchant for a certain color M&M – though you can get in on the action, too.)

Like Brian, I have yet to identify any recognizable brands (these are 100% handmade in Mexico and Peru and my guess is that many of the wrappers are those of Latin American treats), but the origins of both the eye-popping, confetti-like palette and the chic silver line are undeniably sweet. And for the more brand-conscious amongst you, Ecoist produces equally stunning products with packaging from Coca-Cola and Diet Coke, Luna Bars, Dasani water, and a “swirl” that looks conspicuously like the Good Humor logo.

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So it’s not exactly candy, but an Addict’s gotta have some reason to wake up in the morning. Sure, grabbing a Snickers and calling it a morning meal is always an option, but for those nutritionally-minded readers looking to load up on vitamins and minerals before noon (I kid, I kid – we all know these are basically incognito candy bars), I – Candy Addict’s resident cereal expert – am happy to bring you our list of Top 10 (or so) Chocolate Cereals. Honorable Mentions go out to Cap’n Crunch’s Choco Crunch, Chocolate Chex, and Life Chocolate Oat Crunch, but without further ado, let’s get our AM sugar fix…

• Top 10 Chocolate Cereals

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In my day, I was an avid trick-or-treater. Straight through high school, pillowcases served as bags; loot was measured in pounds; and Snickers, Milky Ways, and Starbursts were blissfully consumed for months. Until that inevitable dark day, that is, when I would go to my closet after school, reach deep into my dwindling stash, and come up with a handful of Tootsie Rolls, Dum-Dums, and that curse of a confection, the bane of my Halloween-loving existence, Bit-O-Honeys. Bit-O-Honeys were the one candy that I disliked so much I would not eat them even in these desperate times and they were utterly un-tradeable. Who, my young mind wondered, likes these things? And what on earth are they?

Well Jerry Seinfeld, it turns out, is a big fan. They’re his fave. And if that’s not reason for further investigation now that I’m older and wiser and further removed from the anger, then I certainly don’t know what is. And so, finally, I sought some answers.

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Thanks to a brilliant merging of the minds at Hershey’s and The Styles Check Company, you can now broadcast your love of confections to any and everyone with whom you dare to share your wealth. Your landlord? Check. The phone company? Check. Your impossible-to-shop-for nephew whose birthday is just around the corner? Check! Forget online bill pay – writing checks is back and better than ever! (And you’ll be doubly excited to drop those babies in the mail when you see the matching address labels.)

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